


Late night thoughts

by weird_experiences_and_feelings



Category: centricide
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gender, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-19 00:35:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29498919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weird_experiences_and_feelings/pseuds/weird_experiences_and_feelings
Summary: various centricide characters stay up late thinking.//also I will include centricide ocs I like//
Relationships: Anarcho-queer/anarcha-feminist (centricide), Hoppean & Minarchist (Centricide), Hoppean/Minarchist (Centricide), Ingsoc / egoist
Comments: 10
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

I lay in bed looking up at the ceiling, it’s late and I have yet to get any sleep .  
“.. what happened to me ?”  
I think to myself, had I always been this way .. there had to have been a time where other ancaps would have liked me .  
Maybe they are the ones who changed , maybe that is why they don’t take me seriously.  
Ancap was too busy pandering to degeneracy , I miss when it wasn’t profitable to do that.  
everyone here is a sell out except for me.  
I’m the only one who puts my values before my profits , unlike every other spineless cuck here too afraid to stand up for what they believed.  
I could go past taking a stand , I was willing to act on it .  
I do not care if that scares off potential business partners.   
‘but hoppean , you need to be more friendly and inclusive ‘   
No , not if it’s against my personal beliefs .   
Commies get the choppy , and that’s decided.


	2. It’s a Social construct, so why do I care ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anqueer stays up late thinking about gender

Gender is a social construct, so why do I feel so bad ?  
I don’t like living within the limits of the binary, the moment I wear a dress or want to paint my nails it takes away from my masculinity.  
The moment I experiment with fashion and gender expression people start assuming instead of waiting for me to tell them how I feel.  
‘Aww what’s next you’re gonna start drinking soy and have his dick cut off ?’  
‘Looks like someone might be a [t-slur] ‘  
All those mean comments made about me back in middle school still hurt so much, I’m just expressing myself, it’s just clothes.  
I should be able to wear what I want without having my gender assumed .  
I’m gender queer and I’ll use any pronouns.

since I’m assigned male at birth if I post a picture of me in a cute dress or makeup I’ll get comments talking about how I guzzle nut or how they want to pound my tight boy pussy .  
Can’t I just exist without having people assume things or give me unwanted sexual attention?  
Is that too much to ask ?

And the same people who fetishize feminine men act like trans men aren’t valid if they wear a dress .  
Or that a feminine man isn’t desirable if he is any whatsoever taller than 5’4 , has acne , body hair, or really anything, it feels like these beauty standards are pedophilic .

My thoughts are wandering, I should take a break .


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minarchist thinking about hoppean,  
> And worrying about him .

I’ve caught feelings for hoppean ..  
I know he hates gay people but he’s so cute ..  
His messy hair, his hiss , those big wings .  
And my favorite part the way he’s always such a bitch to people he likes.  
I don’t want to get hate crimed but I think I’ve caught feels .

The way he’s so hissy and cute , and such a tsundere I love him .  
I wish he could love me back , but he never will because liking men is degenerate according to him ..  
I just wanna kiss his lips and cuddle him , is that too much?

I want to run my fingers through his hair and ruffle it up .  
I want to see him smile and laugh.  
I want to spend time with him .

Sometimes i worry about him , eye bags deeper than the Mariana’s trench , does he get any sleep??  
And I can’t forget that one time I hugged him , he’s basically just skin and bones , he needs to eat something..  
If I show any concern he would probably call me a degenerate for caring..  
What the hecc am I supposed to do ...  
if I show concern I’ll get hate crimed because apparently caring about someone of the same gender is gay now ..

I hope he’s ok .


	4. blood sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok , quick disclaimer:  
> This chapter is about anarcho feminist , it includes periods and blood.

I lay in bed , my long messy bright purple hair all over the place as I sob .  
I hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep and these cramps were unbearable, I was free bleeding to protest the tampon taxes and such.  
This isn’t fair, why do men get all the advantages, were the ones who sacrifice blood and birth children so why don’t we get to be top of the gender heirarchy.   
‘But men are necessary to have a baby’ yeah well men aren’t the one that deal with cramps 3-7 days each month , blood dripping from in between their thighs, they don’t carry baby’s, they don’t breastfeed , they Aren’t anywhere close to being as involved as us women.

I hear a knock on my door   
“Doors open “ I say .

A pale skinned white twink walks in wearing a croptop and those same snake bites they always wear , it was anqueer .  
“ hey.. I heard you crying.. did you need anything?”

“No , it’s just my monthly blood sacrifice..”  
I say as I re-position myself so I’m sitting up looking at anqueer .

“Are you sure.. I know you are free bleeding since capitalism hates you but I could get you some snacks or a heating pad .”   
His voice soft, he looks like he’s desperate to be of any help.. 

“...I guess I could go for some dried fruit and a heating pad .”  
I was hesitant to say anything, but it wasn’t exactly fun seeing people who cared about me so concerned, and I didn’t want him to feel like he was unable to do anything.   
“... oh and , could you get me another towel while you’re at It ?”

“Of course.. anything to make your blood sacrifices more bearable .”  
*he leans in and ruffles my hair before leaving*

*i Lay there awaiting his return, I twitch a bit as I hear the beeping of the microwave, only to hear his footsteps follow. *  
*after a few minutes of him searching the pantry he returns with what I asked for , placing the heating pad below my stomach and above my hips to soothe my pain , he places the bowl of dried fruit and trail mix on the nightstand and hands me the towel , he looks at me and without a word I hand him the bloodied towel and he goes to wash it , I place the new towel Down on my bed , lay back and try to get some sleep .*


	5. What if things don’t get better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A revolution won’t fix me

I lay here in my green hoodie, I hadn’t changed clothes in weeks and I smelled of weed.  
“What if the revolution doesn’t fix me”  
A repetitive thought .  
I had always been a miserable child, a revolution won’t make me any less of a miserable adult, it won’t fix my unresolved teenage angst ..   
it won’t give me loving parents or a good childhood.  
It won’t give me the guidance my parents never would , filled with theory where my sense of guidance should be .   
The only way I know how to act is in praxis...  
I wanna give up , I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, if something were to happen to politics I would lose all sense of control.


	6. Fucking idiot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minarchist worries about hoppean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, tw : hoppean has an ED because I need someone to project onto , also there are nsfw mentions in this chapter even though I think hoppean considers sex degenerate.

“Why do I care so god damn much about you?”  
“You would hate me if you knew I loved you , or even cared .”  
“Hoppean needs to eat something eventually or he might die ....”  
*he takes out his phone and sends hoppean a text*  
Minarkitty: we need to talk.  
Hoppean: no .  
Minarkitty : please ? I’m just worried about you.  
Hoppean : no , that’s gay .  
minarkitty: Yes , we need to talk , you literally passed out at work yesterday.  
Hoppean: I didn’t get any sleep the night before.  
Minarkitty: you need to be productive at work or you’ll get fired .  
Hoppean : yeah , I would be a lot more productive if you weren’t texting me at three in the fucking morning because you’re gay.  
Minarkitty: my sexuality has nothing to do with this.  
Hoppean : shut the fuck up [f-slur].  
Minarkitty: calm down edge lord.  
Hoppean: I’m not being edgy , I’m literally just stating facts , and facts are your a faggot  
Minarkitty: can you quit calling me slurs , you literally called me a tranny last week  
Hoppean : you still haven’t proved your not.  
Minarkitty: for god sake you could just ask for a dick pic.  
Hoppean : that’s gay , I don’t want to see your dick . Besides you could prove your a man by showing me you don’t have top surgery scars .  
Minarkitty : why does any of this even matter to you ?  
Hoppean : degeneracy and such.  
Minarkitty : you’ve just been trying to steer the conversation away from the problem, we have to talk about it sooner or later . I’m trying to help you .  
Hoppean : with what ? I don’t need any help .  
Minarkitty: you literally passed out at work yesterday, you need help.  
Hoppean : can you quit being so god damn nosy .  
*i sigh and put away my phone, unsure of how to respond, I couldn’t give up on him but it was getting really frustrating to deal with him shifting the conversation before we could even get to the conversation, I simply get up and go to plug in my phone and cry, I just wanted to help him .*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this whole thing went nowhere but I worked really hard on it , so here’s the finished product .  
> It’s probably my longest chapter yet lol .


	7. What if I’m just a bootlicker?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Egoist lays awake thinking about ingsoc and how he can’t be a bootlicker

I lay in my dark blue bed , Staring up at the torn canopy from my fight with Darwinist earlier today, it’s a good thing ingsoc ‘peaceably relocated’ him before he could cause further damage.

Ingsoc is kinda sweet , always looking out for everyone’s safety ..   
Then again he’s probably just been spooked into moral obligation, it’s not like he actually cares about anyone here .   
He’s just trying to further the party’s goals .  
Then again he could always unperson the realists himself , what if this is just an excuse to start some sort of polycule .

Maybe he just wanted it to be less simple, or needed a barre from his work, he does inhabit a human form like everyone else here after all .

What if I’m just trying to find an excuse to lick his boots for doing something with no meaning because I’m actually a spooked statist bootlicker, what if I’m not actually an egoist?!?!

I mean it’s fine, why would bootlicking be bad , so long as it pleases my ego I don’t need an excuse.


	8. Dysphoria time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically I just write about monarchists crippling dysphoria after trying to talk with hoppean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also just a reminder, I’m also not cis so this is kinda projecting , also I have never seen a minarchist written where he has other interests and issues outside of hoppean.
> 
> Also this isn’t terf propaganda, he’s actually afraid of surgeries and such.

Was hoppean right?  
Would I never be a real guy ?  
I always feel dysphoric about still having ‘female’ parts , it feels uncomfortable and wrong,  
Like I’m trapped and cursed to eternity in the wrong body.  
If he knew he would treat me so badly..  
He wouldn’t even see me as what I am , he would look past me and see a woman, the thought of that makes me so uncomfortable, I wanted to rip off my breasts right now, I mean what’s stopping me , this is ancapistan , I don’t need to prove I’m a man to someone in order to get a prescription or something like that, I can just book an appointment and get it done.  
but the scars , people will assume I’m trans right away ....  
I mean it’s fine, I always wear a shirt anyways.  
And why would they actually have a problem with it , it’s not rational.  
My surgery could get screwed up and I could die.  
I could get hate crimed ....  
Fuck , why am I overthinking so much?!?!


End file.
